Tag Archive for God


When I stopped being an angel

I filled the freezer

flowers, marigolds, lilies, dandelions

trembling lovely in the white emptiness

stems brittle, petals cracking

my faith dry and scattered


God; my hope, my fear


I was told a lie, pain inflicted upon me and my people

6 million: Auschwitz, Krakow, Bergen-Belsen

yet I did not scream for revenge

if another must suffer for my suffering

then I too deserve to suffer again


someday I will build a mountain

show you to love all your people

because if god is unjust

the world is a prison with no reward

the light at the end only a future of consumption


your promises so many times broken

oh-so-holy-glares from the best of humanity

because they still have faith



following a coyote into his den

convincing yourself his bite is only a test

as he tears your skin apart


You broke your promise

left me here alone

on the frozen streets of America

where the sun is never hot enough

to burn away the inequity


didn’t answer my cries

didn’t guide me when I was lost

in your mess of creation


no, my eyes will not lower

as eyes have lowered to me

I am better then you

don’t make promises I can’t keep


you selfish god

happy as long as praised

children cursed for their fathers’ sins

and me



toward hell

somehow lost my way.


I used to be an angel

eyes strong, pulling you toward me

fingers forever clasping yours

now I am a shadow

hands grip each other

eyes avoid yours

tomorrow I will be a bird

free again

raise my eyes like wings

as I fly toward yours



I am rocked with uncertainty.

My mama taught at Whitten Center.

Where the retarded children rocked


And forth

In their seats. I wonder what they thought.

I remember my thoughts as a child.

I knew them, but could not say them right

Out loud.


I am rocked with uncertainty.

My mama got sick when I was in first grade.

My grandmama came to take my sister and me to school,

And I got there late for the first time.

Ms. Kelly was eating lunch with the other teachers

In the reading room.

She asked me to bring her a fork from the cafeteria.

I did.

I told everybody that the teachers did not eat in the teachers’ lounge,

They ate in the reading room.

No one believed me.


I am rocked with uncertainty.

I dreamed that I had extra toes on each foot.

It was so real.

I did not worry about fitting into my tennis shoes.

I was sad that I could not wear sandals.

When I woke up, I was so relieved.

I had five toes on each foot.

I slid them into

A pair of sandals.  My toes looked like cute pink piggies,

And I was pleased.

I have not worn a pair of sandals in eight months.


I am rocked with uncertainty.

I think of the rocking chairs on the porch of the Cracker Barrel

In Rock Hill.

I sat in one as my sister and I played checkers on a blanket board.

Mama had taught us how.

No one could beat me at checkers.

I moved my king back and forth in the corner

Until she tired and gave up.

I have not played in four years.

I don’t know that I could still win.


I am rocked with uncertainty.

I am sure that I will go to heaven when I die.

Dr. Shrum’s son killed himself by overdosing

On that stuff the dentist gives you to numb your mouth

Before he pulls.

His father was a preacher.

Did he go to heaven?

Dr. Shrum read a poem someone had written called

“Spring Will Come Again”.

I remember a sermon about how everyone passes through

The Garden of Gethsemane.

Jesus did not want to be crucified.

Allen Navlyt committed suicide in the eighth grade.  He shot himself.

He had been sick with some kind of muscle disease.

He could not take gym class, so he was the library helper after I was.

He finished a poster I started – clouds and kites for March.

He put all the grey clouds together.

I wonder if he went to heaven

I wonder what he thought

Before he pulled.

Crying Out

Oh God,

put your arms around me

and whisper in my ear

Late at night, in my dreams

when I feel like

crying out, for I fear

I cannot hear

your whisper or voice

Late at night, in my soul

when I feel like

crying out, and I

know it to be

sweet as candy

soft as velvet

and evertouching in my heart

Speak to me Lord

Late at night in my mind

when I feel like

crying out, ’cause when

I was a little


I’m sure I heard you then

Late at night, in my crib

when I felt like

crying out, I want

to hear you now

when I need you

Is that really too much to ask?

Late at night in my bed

when I feel like

crying out.

Behind the Stars

He lies,


ever listening


then forgiving

but he lies,

Always behind the stars

dark drapes of


of dishonesty

He lies

careful, and negative

sweet sickly smiles

me believing

always behind the stars

sneaky and deceiving

He lies

Forever behind the stars.