When I stopped being an angel

I filled the freezer

flowers, marigolds, lilies, dandelions

trembling lovely in the white emptiness

stems brittle, petals cracking

my faith dry and scattered

 

God; my hope, my fear

 

I was told a lie, pain inflicted upon me and my people

6 million: Auschwitz, Krakow, Bergen-Belsen

yet I did not scream for revenge

if another must suffer for my suffering

then I too deserve to suffer again

 

someday I will build a mountain

show you to love all your people

because if god is unjust

the world is a prison with no reward

the light at the end only a future of consumption

 

your promises so many times broken

oh-so-holy-glares from the best of humanity

because they still have faith

 

FAITH:

following a coyote into his den

convincing yourself his bite is only a test

as he tears your skin apart

 

You broke your promise

left me here alone

on the frozen streets of America

where the sun is never hot enough

to burn away the inequity

 

didn’t answer my cries

didn’t guide me when I was lost

in your mess of creation

 

no, my eyes will not lower

as eyes have lowered to me

I am better then you

don’t make promises I can’t keep

 

you selfish god

happy as long as praised

children cursed for their fathers’ sins

and me

falling

falling

toward hell

somehow lost my way.

 

I used to be an angel

eyes strong, pulling you toward me

fingers forever clasping yours

now I am a shadow

hands grip each other

eyes avoid yours

tomorrow I will be a bird

free again

raise my eyes like wings

as I fly toward yours