Poetry

Works of verse

There Was a Time

there was a time

not so long ago

when I said

I wouldn’t let anyone

control me

but not anymore

it wasn’t really

a conscious decision

to let you take over

but it’s clear

that you have

you influence my every thought

every word that comes out of my mouth

I make every decision based on

what you would do

or say

you live inside my head

will you ever go away?

I need to be free

I need

to breathe

but you are the air

you’re the water,

the sky,

the grass and trees

you’re everything

the world

my world

and I can’t get away

you’re in my dreams

day and night

you’re everywhere

I can’t be without you

can’t live

and I don’t want to know

what it would be like

to try.

One Nothing

I peeled back the covers

left nothing and its sweet form

to last while I walked

with uncertainty

past knowing and not knowing

what I was to do

with one less.

You own everything

sometimes

and don’t know what else

to do

but take it

until it stops being given

and soft skin

pushes back at you.

 

Forbid the thought

because nothing

is your savior today.

Grandmother

She sags under weight

Her wrinkles sunken in

Freesia perfume melts

Like ice in silent halls

 

Curtain opens, wind blows

A tear slides, a drop of anguish

A still standing figure

Hollowed inside out

Your Last Winter

I fear the winter every day

and long for it to go away.

But all your fears are elsewhere now,

you’ll no more see the snow-tipped boughs

of trees that lost their yellow skin,

while you lost all but will to win.

I doubt that I could be so strong.

I couldn’t fight it for so long.

Yet fight you do, no sword to wield,

as you prepare for greener fields.

Where the leaves of trees are always bright.

Where it’s not too cold to sleep at night.

Your fears will soon be swept away,

but I’ll still be scared of winter days.

Grandma

I remember the feel of your hands—

reaching out to fix my watch

or adjust my sleeve so it was just right

 

Your fingers

with pale pink nails

to match the rosiness of your cheeks

and contrast the beautiful snowy white of your hair

 

The smile on your face

revealed that deep inside you understood what was going on

yet because of an illness somehow could not express

your thoughts and emotions

 

The way you enjoyed

dancing

going for walks

watching soap operas

all the simple things in life that younger people take for granted

 

The way in which you touched my soul

by singing a song

by looking at me—

your eyes that shouted “please help me”

those beautiful blue eyes that eventually became your communication

when words had long ago ceased

 

The lessons your life taught me

lessons of patience

of frustration

of family

of love

 

The indescribable grief I faced when you died

your last breath

 

The knowledge

that you would not sing Happy Birthday when I turned eighteen

or see me graduate

or be there to share my joy when I married the man of my dreams

 

The regret for all the times I should have been there for you

and I failed

for the impatience I showed

when you had trouble eating, dressing, walking

 

The sadness of knowing I would never again be able to hug you

to smile at you

to dance with you

 

But the knowledge that no matter where in life I am

I can always cherish the memories I had with you

I will always love you.

Obsession

The rain pelts down,

staining her porcelain pale face.

The droplets land on her lashes

and fall into her wild, searching eyes.

She shakes her head,

bestial,

cold rain sprays off her and

showers the dark pavement,

which almost shimmers with her reflection.

 

Then, off she goes again,

scouring the overpopulated town,

looking for his face.

The pounding of her feet and the

panting of her breath

are all that’s audible

to her.

A flash of blond on the sidewalk

disappears in a blur around the

street corner.

She rubs the unwanted rain out of her

burning eyes,

and begins running.

 

She flings herself around the corner

greeted only by umbrella-clad faces.

She slows to a walk in defeat

but continues on.

A glimpse of turquoise through a shop window,

only to be lost in the dizzying city ads.

A lanky body in a phone booth,

a boyish smile seen in a bus window,

seductive eyes everywhere.

 

Whirling,

drowning in the unforgiving rain,

she surrenders.

Falling onto her knees, she gives over to the

earthbound liquid,

letting it fall silently,

streaming down her face,

her tears remain clandestine.

 

As the rain slows to a misty sprinkle,

she looks up.

Hawaiian-Ocean–blue eyes gaze back,

detached.

A gasp of hope catches in her throat,

and a piece of glitter on her eyelid

can almost be seen as a twinkle in her

melancholy eye.

The vision looks straight at her,

smiles his devious smile,

and winks.

 

She gets up to join him,

wanting to clasp hands and follow him,

but he turns and begins walking.

She prepares to sprint when he

looks back and

their eyes lock.

Golden strands

fall into his deceitful face

before he turns and

walks away.

She knows this is the last time,

and waits for the rain to stop.

Drowning

I didn’t think I’d be alive

today.

I’ve died far too many times for one life.

And the tears fall,

Shallow pools upon my pillow

Where no one can hear.

As the television murmurs

Fallacies into your ears.

The walls seduce you

Into callous nights of pondering.

Pondering.

While I’m rising and drowning,

In the pools of salty water

Resting against my cheek.

And shivering,

Under the stifling quilts your grandmother sewed

With her ancient paper hands

That folded into quiet years long ago.

Pasado, Paradise, Passion

PASADO

My garden whispering passion down the track in the comfort of

memories

rock-and-roll.

 

PARADISE

The heart is dreaming of paradise deliciously intense cookie

crumbs of

peanut butter.

 

PASSION

A bad habit, like an endless burning passion,

Love.

Dying Stars

The stars died today.

Somewhere in China.

They surrendered quietly,

Their magic

And their burning.

And the stars cried today.

Tears so white and hard

That in America I felt the pain of each,

As they fell with striking precision

Upon my back. My head.

My hands

That never wanted this.

Yet made it all the same.

The Telemarketer

Ring Ring

Hello

Hello, sir. May I have just five minutes of your time

Sure

Thank you very much

Click

He hung up the phone and felt a little bit older